This is a parody of VPN sponsorships. I intended for it to be ASMR-style, but I may not have spoken softly enough. Hopefully someone gets something out of this.

Copyright

I waive all rights over original parts of this work.

Company logos and names are used without permission. It's parody, and I'm criticizing those companies.

Other images are licensed under the Pixabay license, which allows commercial use without attribution.

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Script

Intro/Disclaimer

Hi, now, before we get into this video, I want to be very clear about what's going on here. There are a bunch of VPN sponsor segments in videos and whatnot where someone who doesn't understand what they're talking about will repeat talking points handed to them by VPN companies. These talking points are usually... misleading at best. These companies want you to be afraid of using the internet without a VPN and to believe that a VPN will solve all the problems with the internet. Of course they want that. Their whole goal is to sell you a VPN.

In truth, a VPN might make sense for your needs, but for many people, it is either unnecessary or insufficient.

The purpose of this video is to make fun of these advertisements and hopefully trigger an ASMR response based on it all being make-believe. Please understand that this is a work of parody and that none of the claims I make about VPNs in this video are true. Please, please, please don't walk away from this video thinking "Wow, I really need a VPN!"

Alright, let's get into it.

Sponsor segment

This video is brought to you by ExPrivate Internet NordShark VPN. Every single day that you don't use ExPrivate Internet NordShark VPN, hackers break into your computer to steal your passwords, credit card numbers, and the keys to your house. But! For only 3 dollars a month, ExPrivate Internet NordShark VPN protects your data in-transit with military-grade encryption, which is totally different from what HTTPS already does on the vast majority of websites. Totally different.

ExPrivate Internet NordShark VPN is great for torren- [said to the side] wait, what do you mean I can't say that? Why can't I say that? Isn't that the whole point? [pause] Well, okay...

ExPrivate Internet NordShark VPN is great for defending your civil liberties by making it impossible for your government to find out which websites you visit. Not even ExPrivate Internet NordShark can see what you're doing because it doesn't keep any logs whatsoever. In fact, it's impossible to legally compel ExPrivate Internet NordShark to log user activity because that would require the company to violate its privacy policy. ExPrivate Internet NordShark VPN has been audited by a third-party, which means that it will forever be impossible to add a backdoor to the system.

ExPrivate Internet NordShark VPN is totally anonymous. You can even pay for the service in Bitcoin, an untraceable form of money. If it's good enough for convicted criminals like Ross Ulbricht, you know it's worth using.

Tired of being tracked online? Well, good news! By simply changing your IP address with ExPrivate Internet NordShark VPN, you're instantly protected from all forms of tracking across the web. It's as simple as that!

I use ExPrivate Internet NordShark VPN every day, ever since yesterday when the company reached out to me to offer me money to use the service and tell people about it. I think it's great, and I have absolutely no ulterior motives for saying that. But I'm not the only one. Just look at any of the unbiased VPN review sites owned by ExPrivate Internet NordShark's parent company, Kloak Technologies.

Go sign up for ExPrivate Internet NordShark VPN today and use my affiliate code VPNSRMAGIC for your first month free.